I’m at a place in my life: a crossroads. A place where I’m certain about my regrets but uncertain about my hopes. This place is a lonely place, a raw place, and place of sensitivity. Since I am a believer of Christ, I believe that the Lord has a plan for my life. I know that what I endure on earth and how I respond to trials are all for God’s glory. But, in a church service this past Sunday, I was strongly convicted that my faith in Christ and my hope in His plan for me had seriously diminished over the course of the last several months. There are a few problems with this. The first problem is that I realize now that I do not fully understand and/or accept God’s unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy for me. My slate has been wiped clean, and HE LOVES ME regardless of my past, present, or future sins. Why can’t I forgive myself or let go of my past to accept the Lord’s love? There was a time in my life when I gripped so tightly to God’s grace that I never thought I would doubt it in my life. Through a series of difficult events, I think I’ve honestly lost hope that the Lord knows my heart and can guide me through what to me seems like an impossible situation. However, I want to get back to basics with Him. I was reminded of an incredible Bible verse that a very wise man shared with my husband and I almost a year ago.
If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am new. God’s love has made me new. No longer am I a slave to sin and death. The old Jenny, the one that keeps creeping in, is DEAD! Thank you, God, for making me new and gifting me with the Holy Spirit. My prayer is that I would grow into this new creation that I am. To find my identity in Christ, I must put away my “old ways” of evaluating my self-worth. I need to have God-esteem, not self-esteem.