“I like the smell of your poop!” and other things I never thought I’d say until becoming a mother…

Today I was nursing Nellie as one of the nurses at our midwife practice was trying to test her hearing. We had tried sitting her up, laying her down, putting her tummy to tummy with me, but she just wouldn’t cooperate. As I started nursing her I got that all too familiar feeling of my milk “letting down”, and realized that I had not put my nursing pads into my tank top. Knowing that I’d soon have a ring of breast milk on my shirt I blurted out, “Oh dang it! I’m leaking again.”

Seriously? I’m leaking? If someone would have told me three years ago that I would have said that in front of someone, let alone out loud, I would have laughed in his or her face! But here I am, the mother of a 17 month old boy and an 11 week old girl, and I find myself saying all kinds of ridiculous and silly things that I had ZERO idea would ever find their way into my mind and out of my mouth. Here is a list of some of the more memorable quotes I’ve uttered:

-Babe, could you find the boogie tweezers and bring them to me?
-Do you want mommy to peel that grape for you?
-I LOVE the smell of breastfed baby poop. It smells like a little buttery biscuit!
-Hold still while I suck your nose!
-Don’t put your foot in the dog’s water AGAIN!
-Mommy wants to watch Sesame Street!
-Stop pulling on your potty! You’re gonna break it by being so rough, and you only get one!
-No we can’t have sex while the baby is in bed with us!
-Well, okay, we can have sex but only if we’re really quiet and we don’t wake the baby.
-Is it illegal to sell children?
-You make mommy want to run away!
-The Nutella on your face makes you look like you’ve just eaten a big turd.
-Stop humping the dog!!!
-Hot dogs don’t go in your nose, and they certainly don’t go in your ear!
-The potty chair is not a hat!

This is only a short list of some of the recent craziness, and in sure I’ll catch myself saying other weird things along the way on this journey called “mommyhood”. What have you surprised yourself by saying as a parent? Leave your most unlikely parenting phrases in the comments, and we’ll all point and laugh!! 🙂

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