Have you ever experienced the kind of day where nothing you do seems right? The kind of day when you try your very best at everything, but your efforts are rewarded with the proverbial “pie in the face”? Perhaps this pattern hasn’t only lasted for a day. Maybe you’ve been feeling this way for days or weeks – or heaven forbid – months! I’m certain that everyone reading this can relate at least a little bit. I’ve been in this “pie in the face” mode on and off for a few weeks now. And here’s why:
Little Jake, or Goobie as he’s commonly referred to, is a FRIGGIN HANDFUL! He just turned one last week, and I swear to you, that kid is soooo strong, sooooo stubborn, sooooo picky, and soooooooo intense! He’s heavy, demanding, non-sleep-needing, and teething. Throw in a cold, and he’s the best birth control I could ever imagine!! I love him with all of my heart and soul. Every second of every day I love him. HOWEVER, there are times when I just can’t take another fight from him.
Parents of kids of all ages, you know what I mean. Right now he’s resisting with great force diaper changes, clothing changes, meals that include vegetables, lying down for naps, going into his “cage” (the fence like thing in our living room to keep him contained while I use the restroom or unload the dishwasher), staying in my arms (have I mentioned he is SO STRONG?), staying out of Winston’s water and food bowls, etc. Since he’s been sick, he’s resisting me sucking out his nose (we have a love/hate relationship with the NoseFrida), using the inhaler, rubbing lotion on his face or body, wiping his boogs, and anything else related to his face. God love him. I know that he feels miserable, but COME ON!!!!!! Child of mine, mommy is just simply trying to help you all of the time.
On certain days, typically the ones where I’m home alone with him for over 12 hours without seeing another human being, I get a little discouraged. I become weary. I get incredibly overwhelmed with the fact that I feel like I can do nothing right with him. On those days, I can’t wait for Wade to get home, so I can say “I’m DONE. Your turn”. These are the days when I wish I had a job outside of the home. Days like these make me want to get in my car (alone, of course), turn the radio up LOUD, and drive somewhere where I can spend tons of money on frivolous things for myself, preferably this place would be Target. Then, I’d like to sit outside with a coffee, a cigarette, and a good book while the wind blows around me! Don’t worry, I am not a smoker nor will I ever be one again, but I can’t deny that in years past I indulged in this nasty habit. Doesn’t that sound like a pretty cool pity party – minus the smoking part?
So because I can’t just get in the car and go, I have had to find other escapes. Sometimes I read a book. Sometimes I go outside and sit on our patio without any other stimulation. Sometimes I cry.
But here is the little gem in this story. Yesterday, I realized, as I was on the brink of a breakdown, that I just need a victory every now and again. I just need a small victory to keep me going. A smile, a giggle, a hug and kiss, a diaper change that doesn’t involve tears and scratches, a meal that he likes and enjoys, a successful nap, etc. I don’t need all of those things each and every time or every single day, but I do need them. I need these victories in order to make me feel refreshed and to justify my efforts as Jake’s mom. I need victories to keep me going for another minute, another hour, another day.
Sometimes I just need a victory. Like this smile: